Don't let's be beastly to the Germans

Somebody asked me to write a parody of that famous wartime song by Noel Coward, about not being beastly to the Germans. They wanted one about New Zealand's criminals and their soft treatment. So here it is.


Don't let's be beastly to the jailbirds,
Don't let's be beastly to the crims,
For those silly little buggers
That become the crooks and muggers
Are only the result of parents' sins,
Let's be nice to them
And give advice to them,
And let them out of jail upon parole,
If they rob our homes and loot us
Or get their guns and shoot us
Don't be beastly chaps, just pay them all the dole.